Nur Leben ::: Twelve ::: Bad Romance

For about and hour I watched you sleep.

I stayed longer than usual 'cause I had a feeling this would be the last night.

And for some strange reason, I think its for the best.

To be honest, I don't think I really knew the "real" you.

I played with your finger nails and hair.

You texted me 20 times last week and called me numerous times. I just didn't want to speak to you.

"Im really sad and crying" So I called.

But nothing has really changed. Nothing.

I just recieved two text from you. This is stupid.

Im going to sleep.

While you were asleep I should have plucked your nose hairs.

Nur Leben ::: these eyes are blind

Tonight the gate was open, not fully open, but enough for me not to make that noise.

It's a noise that would prob wake someone up.

It was 12:40am, last night it was 1am and the first night it was 1:20am-give or take.

These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.

I didn't wash my t-shirt 'cause it still had that wonderful smell. Tragic as anything.

19 yrs.


These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.

60 fwy 605 fwy exit Valley Blvd right and so forth. I'm here.

Back at it again? Not sure. I don't think so.

Nose over Nose.

The smell...its on my shirt. AGAIN.

These eyes are blind.

Nur Leben ::: Ten ::: Saved by Zero

song: Mas es Mas

artist : Fangoria

I found myself apologizing to one of my closest friends the other day. It came off as a surprize to Ignacio, as he felt that I didn't do anything wrong.

It was a long distance call. He lives in Tepatitlan, Jalisco, a small town 45 minutes east of Guadalajara.

I meet Ignacio in a gay club in Guadalajara when I was 20, so we have been good friends for about a decade now and I consider him one of my closest friends.

I love spending time with him in his amazing home.

"Wow, this place is really big" "Just go all the way to the back, its the second door to the right" I replied. 2:30am.

Give or take, it takes about a good 4 hrs to get to Tepa from Leon. Usually I get there really tired, so typically he has something ready for me to eat.

After we eat we usually leave all the dirty dishes in the sink and we proceed to his room, where we lay and laugh about random gay shit. I'm glad he is in my life.

Around 10pmish we get ready and go to Guadalajara. I always arrive to Tepa on fridays.

Usually stay 2-3 days. This time around, I stayed 5 days.

I appologized 'cause I was dissconected. I was going thru something, so I think I really didnt take advantage of being at his place for 5 days.

It sounds strange 'cause, I was staying at his house/complex. But, I didn't mingle much. Strange.

I was too busy looking...............

On the phone, he assured me that everything was ok. He never thought twice about it.

"I cant open the door" 1:55am

"How do you open this huge door?" 1:56am

"Hold on" 1:56am

"Iganacio...are you awake?" 1:57am

It rained during most of my stay, but we took advantage of the periods when it didn't. Yes we did.

His boyfriend would comeover every day and spend time with us. I like him.

Very calm and relaxing, but very young. I think 13 yrs difference...something like that.

When the door opened. Visitors would be welcomed to these massive stairs (Neo-art deco I believe) which lead to the living room. The living room, which is comparable to the size of a modest home, is adjacent to Ignacio's room. The kitchen is adjacent to the living room and 6 rooms are past the living room.

It's a complex, not really a home.

I spent most of my time in the other side, i did spend sometime w/Ignacio, I just felt that I could have spent more quality time w/him, considering that I don't see him much.

I was into my own thing.

When I arrived he made me red mole, he knows I love it, so he always makes it for me.

We didn't stay out as late as before. Were much older now. We didn't go out on Sunday, we stayed in. Stayed in.

I stayed an extra day.

"It's the second door to the right"

It felt good. Really good.

2:00am

Saved by Zero

Nur Leben ::: Nine ::: Bedbugs & Ballyhoos

Buffalo and Bison
Bison and Buffalo

Cannonball and Rifle
Rifle and Cannonball


"We can be boring together when you move here again"


I was making a turn this morning onto Montebello Blvd heading north towards the mall. As I was making that turn, I noticed that the visibility out towards Long Beach was ........................

For the last few weeks I've been getting 3-4 hrs a sleep per night, usually walking up anywhere between 4am-430am.

Chur(r)os from Jack in the Box for breakfast. Drive thru.

Things are getting better. The weather, money, us.


So I've been considering moving back to San Francisco. It's the weather. I have to think about it more. Like sit in a trashy park here in the eastside and really think about it. Typically, when I set my mind to something (Point A ---> Point B) I usually accomplish that ..........something. Something.


Get the Balance right.


It's playing on Pandora, so I just added it. Relax.

The week went very quick, which is a good thing. Lets get this out of the way.

Nur Leben ::: Eight ::: Florence-Firestone

We turned right on Alameda, somewhere along the Industrial District in downtown and traveled about 4 miles south.

I made a joke during the ride in which I mentioned that I rarely travel west of Robertson Blvd. Rarely.

And I continued with...."I rarely travel south of Slauson"

Well not true. Kind of.

Does ridding the Blue or Green line count? 'cause they run further south of Slauson.

Nevertheless, I was in some unfamiliar territory. South L.A. , South Central, Compton ave to be exact. HOOD.


Compton Ave and 66th st. Florence-Firestone.

The homes were charming...Palm trees-unlimited.

I was invited to a "paisa" party; thats what they call them.

I felt so disconnected. lost. Just like the disconnected lyrics.

ha?

I gazzed at four palm trees. I tried to forget the shit that I was going thru, so I just gazzed.

I ran into a few people who I have not seen in years.

"You look good"

98% of the party was dressed in 3-hermanos fashion, that or clothes that are sold anywhere along Western Ave or Whitter Blvd.

I found myself in that 2% -out of place range.

I took advantage that there was an open bar. Well not really.

Alcohol doesn't really.............


I spoke spanish, so they would erase any suspicions that.....

The band played forever. 2 hours, i think or it seemed. Every song sounds the same, and each ending ends the same.

"tan-tan". Right?

Again...soooo disconnected.


I do own some panther pointy boots I bought in Leon. Family lives there. I'm Mexican.


It doesn't really matter.


I'm all about synth and thats who I am. I listen to Synth and currently loving the new Mariana Seoane song. Actually, I think this is the 3rd song I like from her.

I also like Fey and Edith Marquez.


I recieved your text and I didn't really know how to respond, so thats why I didn't.


There is a Florence stop along the Blue Line.

Florence-Firestone.

Nur Leben ::: Seven ::: "This is the longest Red Light"

Among the manicured lawns of L.A.'s Brookside neighborhood, I was sitting in my car in complete confusion.

Not again.


This just isn't fair.

I sometimes think it's god's punishment. It has to be.

Everything that was said..seemed like complete lies.


I kept saying..No..No...I'm not talking to the same person.

I was talking to a complete stranger.

It seems that it started with a Pollo bowl and ended with a Pollo bowl. Literally.

It's crazy how one could just do that.

Little much was said after the car was started.

For a glimpse moment it was nice.

Waiting for the light to turn green...I wanted to get out of there.

Nur Leben ::: Six ::: Trophy Wife

Like everything~ your simply not going to get it.

I was talking to eric last night and he mentioned that I needed to adjust to this new lifestyle. Trophy wife.

Not.

I dunno, I was going thru something when I returned from S.F. and much has changed since I returned from Mexico.

Things are good..a little strange, but good.

No more many. Simply one.

I never did anything with many....nothing to carry a long conversation over it.

Confused? yeah. I dunno.

It was just something I was going thru. It's over.

I'm trying to adjust to many things. Not being soooo busy is one of them, and I find myself with tons of free time. Still preparing for grad school.

My doctor works long hours, so yeah. Also born on July 1st. Odd. Yeah.

I have come to the conclusion that he eats more than me.

Eats more.

I'm not a trophy wife, nor trophy boyfriend.

shitt....I got B+/A's in my Organic Chemistry exams!

**SNAPS FINGERS**

Nur Leben ::: four ::: Expensive Hotels

So another hotel.
I've been in Mexico for a little over three weeks now.

I'm In Mexico City right now. I love this city. So trashy and sooo hip.


Plasma T.V. impressive fixtures in the bathroom.

A week ago was a nightmare. It was like one night amazing the next night...fuchi.

It was out of my hands and It felt like I was in the middle of...I dunno.

Zapopan. To be exact.

The room was small....stuffy. Within minutes i had stomach pains and I felt dizzy.

I dunno.


I took some meds, it helped a bit.



Jamie. I've been chatting with. Silly boy.
I DUNNO

iTs almost four am and i want to get up so i can eat the free breakfast buffet.

But Jamie.


Its been like this since i left SF.

ive gained some weight, but yet they love it. All of them. Many.

like 10 lbs.



The sheats feel sooooo good right now, they are cool and cumfy. Cold. It's modern in here. Gray.

Mexico City Now 2009

Nur Leben ::: Four ::: Northeastern L.A. & Anita

So I'm not really sure what the fuck our plans were.

Plastic wanted to visit his friend at his place in Pico-Union, but he didn't answer the door.

I dunno I dunno so we just ended driving down broadway then we ended up in Lincoln Heights then El Sereno then Highland Park.

Since we were in H.P. I suggested we see if Highland Park Anita was home.

Who is Highland Park Anita? Ok this is complex.

We have come to the conclusion...that Anita is a ghost. A spirt of some sort.

About hmmm 5 months ago, me and Plastic went to H.P. on the gold line and as we exited we ran into Anita and asked for opinion on what was the quickest route to getting to the Huarache Azteca on York Blvd.

She asked us to follow her 'little did we know, she was taking us the long way. In fact, she basically made us walk her home then gave us directions how to get to York Blvd.

She used us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, me and Plastica are cool, so we think she just wanted to show us off.

How sad ha?? I mean, she was this little modest latina girl, hmm I don't want to say she is fugly, but yeah. She must be in her mid 20's or late 20's.

So since this experience we have gone to her house and ask for her. We WANT ANSWERS!

Why Anita? Why did u use us? Ahhhh We walked a lot that afternoon.

So we yelled out her name and finally some mad peaked out the window and said he no Anita lived there.

You see..She has to be a ghost. It just doesn't add up. I think that afternoon was odd and our conversation w/Anita was morbid.

Anita where are you? Who are you?

pic: Lincoln Heights & The Man that denied Anita lives there.

Nur Leben ::: Three ::: Ich will doch nur leben

ah man what to do what to do.

Like I really don't know what to do.

Like when they ask : "oyes tienes facebook?"

"Claro k si guey...." I reply, with my minimal spanish writting skills.

Like common who am I kidding...I'm not ready.

My cell phone is driving me crazy. Sergio says : "ay bueno te veo luego q tengo sueño" on msn.

Alejandro says " Buenas Noches"

and my mother is off to Mexico.

Sorry...but I'm not ready for this. Sorry.

Nur Leben ::: Two ::: The L.A. Rivers

Ithink I just need to get over it and accept that I'm back in Los Angeles. I really hate this weather, and it just makes me want to be back in San Francisco. I always say, L.A. the city and S.F. weather~ the perfect combination. L.A. is like my playground, so much to do and so much to see, but the weather stinks. Give me cold (mid 50's) foggy S.F. weather any day. I was in S.F. last week for a few days and each day I would wake up to some amazing fog and cold weather it just made me want to be out in the streets.

It was my day off today and I didnt leave me house till about 5pm 'cause it was just to damn hot outside.

How is L.A. my playground????

I drove down Pacific Blvd in H.P. friggin amazing...so many people out and about; minimal english. I've never really discovered the Furniture and Decorative Arts district, so I drove down Central Ave..coool. Then I decided to roam around some of the bridges around Arts District. Ate some Burger King in downtown, went to see some gay cruising down at Elysian Park. A car pulled up (actually many) and I rolled my eyes; I can be a biotch sometimes. Played a bit down at the Music Center in Bunker Hill then finished my night chillin at a starbucks in Little Tokyo.

I miss S.F.

Nur Leben ::: One ::: The FOG

This is my first blog so I'm new to this so lets see how this goes. I dedicate my first blog, to the Fog of San Francisco. I recently moved back to L.A. after living three years in S.F. ~ The first six months in the Inner-Sunset and 2 & 1/2 yrs in the posh but boring St Francis Wood neighborhood.

I love the fog and I love s.f. weather in general. I'm in my room with in L.A. with the AC to the max.

I meet up with Calvin this past week to talk about how things are in his life, we dated for a few months earlier this year and sadly we couldn't really discuss anything 'cause he was having personal problems of his own.

This pic is taken outside of his balcony looking towards Diamond Hts/Twin Peaks area. The Fog as you can tell just rolls in and out.

I miss S.F. and I miss the weather. I'll be back.