Nur Leben ::: Twelve ::: Bad Romance

For about and hour I watched you sleep.

I stayed longer than usual 'cause I had a feeling this would be the last night.

And for some strange reason, I think its for the best.

To be honest, I don't think I really knew the "real" you.

I played with your finger nails and hair.

You texted me 20 times last week and called me numerous times. I just didn't want to speak to you.

"Im really sad and crying" So I called.

But nothing has really changed. Nothing.

I just recieved two text from you. This is stupid.

Im going to sleep.

While you were asleep I should have plucked your nose hairs.

Nur Leben ::: these eyes are blind

Tonight the gate was open, not fully open, but enough for me not to make that noise.

It's a noise that would prob wake someone up.

It was 12:40am, last night it was 1am and the first night it was 1:20am-give or take.

These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.

I didn't wash my t-shirt 'cause it still had that wonderful smell. Tragic as anything.

19 yrs.


These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.
These eyes are blind.

60 fwy 605 fwy exit Valley Blvd right and so forth. I'm here.

Back at it again? Not sure. I don't think so.

Nose over Nose.

The smell...its on my shirt. AGAIN.

These eyes are blind.

Nur Leben ::: Ten ::: Saved by Zero

song: Mas es Mas

artist : Fangoria

I found myself apologizing to one of my closest friends the other day. It came off as a surprize to Ignacio, as he felt that I didn't do anything wrong.

It was a long distance call. He lives in Tepatitlan, Jalisco, a small town 45 minutes east of Guadalajara.

I meet Ignacio in a gay club in Guadalajara when I was 20, so we have been good friends for about a decade now and I consider him one of my closest friends.

I love spending time with him in his amazing home.

"Wow, this place is really big" "Just go all the way to the back, its the second door to the right" I replied. 2:30am.

Give or take, it takes about a good 4 hrs to get to Tepa from Leon. Usually I get there really tired, so typically he has something ready for me to eat.

After we eat we usually leave all the dirty dishes in the sink and we proceed to his room, where we lay and laugh about random gay shit. I'm glad he is in my life.

Around 10pmish we get ready and go to Guadalajara. I always arrive to Tepa on fridays.

Usually stay 2-3 days. This time around, I stayed 5 days.

I appologized 'cause I was dissconected. I was going thru something, so I think I really didnt take advantage of being at his place for 5 days.

It sounds strange 'cause, I was staying at his house/complex. But, I didn't mingle much. Strange.

I was too busy looking...............

On the phone, he assured me that everything was ok. He never thought twice about it.

"I cant open the door" 1:55am

"How do you open this huge door?" 1:56am

"Hold on" 1:56am

"Iganacio...are you awake?" 1:57am

It rained during most of my stay, but we took advantage of the periods when it didn't. Yes we did.

His boyfriend would comeover every day and spend time with us. I like him.

Very calm and relaxing, but very young. I think 13 yrs difference...something like that.

When the door opened. Visitors would be welcomed to these massive stairs (Neo-art deco I believe) which lead to the living room. The living room, which is comparable to the size of a modest home, is adjacent to Ignacio's room. The kitchen is adjacent to the living room and 6 rooms are past the living room.

It's a complex, not really a home.

I spent most of my time in the other side, i did spend sometime w/Ignacio, I just felt that I could have spent more quality time w/him, considering that I don't see him much.

I was into my own thing.

When I arrived he made me red mole, he knows I love it, so he always makes it for me.

We didn't stay out as late as before. Were much older now. We didn't go out on Sunday, we stayed in. Stayed in.

I stayed an extra day.

"It's the second door to the right"

It felt good. Really good.

2:00am

Saved by Zero

Nur Leben ::: Nine ::: Bedbugs & Ballyhoos

Buffalo and Bison
Bison and Buffalo

Cannonball and Rifle
Rifle and Cannonball


"We can be boring together when you move here again"


I was making a turn this morning onto Montebello Blvd heading north towards the mall. As I was making that turn, I noticed that the visibility out towards Long Beach was ........................

For the last few weeks I've been getting 3-4 hrs a sleep per night, usually walking up anywhere between 4am-430am.

Chur(r)os from Jack in the Box for breakfast. Drive thru.

Things are getting better. The weather, money, us.


So I've been considering moving back to San Francisco. It's the weather. I have to think about it more. Like sit in a trashy park here in the eastside and really think about it. Typically, when I set my mind to something (Point A ---> Point B) I usually accomplish that ..........something. Something.


Get the Balance right.


It's playing on Pandora, so I just added it. Relax.

The week went very quick, which is a good thing. Lets get this out of the way.

Nur Leben ::: Eight ::: Florence-Firestone

We turned right on Alameda, somewhere along the Industrial District in downtown and traveled about 4 miles south.

I made a joke during the ride in which I mentioned that I rarely travel west of Robertson Blvd. Rarely.

And I continued with...."I rarely travel south of Slauson"

Well not true. Kind of.

Does ridding the Blue or Green line count? 'cause they run further south of Slauson.

Nevertheless, I was in some unfamiliar territory. South L.A. , South Central, Compton ave to be exact. HOOD.


Compton Ave and 66th st. Florence-Firestone.

The homes were charming...Palm trees-unlimited.

I was invited to a "paisa" party; thats what they call them.

I felt so disconnected. lost. Just like the disconnected lyrics.

ha?

I gazzed at four palm trees. I tried to forget the shit that I was going thru, so I just gazzed.

I ran into a few people who I have not seen in years.

"You look good"

98% of the party was dressed in 3-hermanos fashion, that or clothes that are sold anywhere along Western Ave or Whitter Blvd.

I found myself in that 2% -out of place range.

I took advantage that there was an open bar. Well not really.

Alcohol doesn't really.............


I spoke spanish, so they would erase any suspicions that.....

The band played forever. 2 hours, i think or it seemed. Every song sounds the same, and each ending ends the same.

"tan-tan". Right?

Again...soooo disconnected.


I do own some panther pointy boots I bought in Leon. Family lives there. I'm Mexican.


It doesn't really matter.


I'm all about synth and thats who I am. I listen to Synth and currently loving the new Mariana Seoane song. Actually, I think this is the 3rd song I like from her.

I also like Fey and Edith Marquez.


I recieved your text and I didn't really know how to respond, so thats why I didn't.


There is a Florence stop along the Blue Line.

Florence-Firestone.

Nur Leben ::: Seven ::: "This is the longest Red Light"

Among the manicured lawns of L.A.'s Brookside neighborhood, I was sitting in my car in complete confusion.

Not again.


This just isn't fair.

I sometimes think it's god's punishment. It has to be.

Everything that was said..seemed like complete lies.


I kept saying..No..No...I'm not talking to the same person.

I was talking to a complete stranger.

It seems that it started with a Pollo bowl and ended with a Pollo bowl. Literally.

It's crazy how one could just do that.

Little much was said after the car was started.

For a glimpse moment it was nice.

Waiting for the light to turn green...I wanted to get out of there.

Nur Leben ::: Six ::: Trophy Wife

Like everything~ your simply not going to get it.

I was talking to eric last night and he mentioned that I needed to adjust to this new lifestyle. Trophy wife.

Not.

I dunno, I was going thru something when I returned from S.F. and much has changed since I returned from Mexico.

Things are good..a little strange, but good.

No more many. Simply one.

I never did anything with many....nothing to carry a long conversation over it.

Confused? yeah. I dunno.

It was just something I was going thru. It's over.

I'm trying to adjust to many things. Not being soooo busy is one of them, and I find myself with tons of free time. Still preparing for grad school.

My doctor works long hours, so yeah. Also born on July 1st. Odd. Yeah.

I have come to the conclusion that he eats more than me.

Eats more.

I'm not a trophy wife, nor trophy boyfriend.

shitt....I got B+/A's in my Organic Chemistry exams!

**SNAPS FINGERS**